I'm nobody's little weasel.

It seems like I had a million titles for this blog post come into my head today. I opened my freezer this evening and thought, "oh man, I can't wait to bitch about this."

But first of all: POWER.FUCK YEAH.
I'm so glad I had the foresight to call RG&E this morning to "confirm" their visit today. They didn't even know why I was on the schedule. After being on hold for some 30 minutes, I think I told the customer service woman that they had the "intelligence level of a lobotomized raccoon," and things were fixed. So for the first time in two weeks, I'm coming to you from the iMac in my bedroom, with lights on and a semi-cold beer.

Then I walked into my apartment and saw this. I'm sure it's some project or other that my landlord is embarking on (fixing my insulation, putting a new floor in, etc.), but I WAS kind of pissed off that they got drywall all over my slippers.

And a brief interlude of color for the sake of color.

But there is kind of a point to it: I have almost no food in my fridge, and very, very little money. So little that if I went and bought a $2 loaf of bread, it would turn into a $35 loaf of bread with overdraft charges. And after scrubbing the shit out of my apartment, I was pretty hungry, so I scrounged up half a bell pepper, a bit of onion and garlic, and my eggs that expire tomorrow and made a shitty breakfast burrito thing. I've officially bought into the Rochesterian idea that putting heaps of salsa on anything will make it taste better. I don't even give a fuck. Just like Eminem.

However, this is what I really want to talk about in this post: the best, tried-and-true ways to piss off your roommate(s) when you move out. This goes waaay beyond not filling up the ice tray.

1. Turn off your power and interwebz without warning. Even if all you need is a final meter reading and to switch the name over. Really want to go for the gold? Do it during the hottest week of summer, or the middle of a New York winter.
1a. Don't pay said electric bill, even though you helped use 1/3 of that $147, and had to have super awesome cable that costs everyone else.

2. Leave a shit ton of dairy products in the fridge and a bag of tilapia in the freezer. This is especially effective when there is a small hole in the plastic bag so all the rotten fish juice can drip out and form a nice residue in your freezer. Seriously, I was already a little creeped out by tilapia because of some Tom Waits song, and being a vegetarian, but I can't believe I didn't puke. This only confirms my belief that everyone should have a compulsory 2 years of working in food service.
3. Don't be arsed to clean anything. I've moved a good many times in my life, and every time my family and I have moved out of a house or apartment, my mom and I clean that place so it looks like no one ever lived there. I think it's just kind of a decent thing to do.

4. Have a strange, unemployed, dui-convicted man live on your couch upstairs for a month.
I don't even want to talk about it.

5. Leave behind a bunch of horrible blue plastic cups and mismatched Glad containers.

6. Take all the toilet paper.

I can't get rid of these damn subtitles.